Well, I finally have a permanent, full-time job. It’s not ideal, but I’m gainfully employed and, for that, I’m grateful. No more 90 mi. round trip commute. It’s 3.3 miles from my office to my house. I could walk it, if I wanted to and didn’t need to be in pristine condition when I got there. Maybe one day, but for now, I’m okay with the drive.
It has been a rough year and it has kicked my tuchus six ways from Sunday. I’ve struggled with feelings of failure and letting all those around me down. I hit a serious depression and there were days I couldn’t get my head up off the pillow. Failed interview after failed interview and opportunities that I couldn’t make happen really brought me down. I accepted a temp position with a company in June and was finally made permanent a few weeks ago. A good friend helped me out with kid-care this summer when I started temping so I didn’t have to pay daycare rates. As did the midwest G’ma and Papa L. Fabul-O spent 3 weeks visiting them this summer. It was wonderful for her and them.
I’ve made several attempts to redefine me and I have learned, but am still struggling to accept, is I am who I am and that’s not going to change. Complacency gets us all and it got the best of me. So, I’m no longer working on reinventing me or even redefining me. I’m working on making the me I am the best it can be. I still struggle and I still have a long way to go. We have had the love and support of friends and family and I am so thankful I surround myself with people who care and don’t just throw lip service our way. I am so glad I raised Olivia to understand the value of what we have and what we give because it’s helped to adjust to our revised way of living.
I’m back at Weight Watchers and had a successful first week back on plan. I struggled this week, but I’m having to break a lot of bad habits and, damn, that gets a lot harder the older you get. And oatmeal doesn’t taste nearly as good as a biscuit.
Olivia participated in her first 5K in September. We ran about the first half mile and we walked the rest. We finished in 52 minutes and I am super proud of my girl. People say we could have shaved 5 min off our time had I not taken her picture at the mile markers. We walked in support of Operation Homefront North Carolina. She says she wants to do another one. Running it.
I had my 20 year class reunion a few weeks ago. 20 years changed a lot of us in a lot of ways. Others of us it totally skipped and nothing has changed. I’ve changed. And I’m glad.
I’m who I am and that won’t change. There are still a lot of things that need to be worked on and I will… one of them at a time.