My boss came in my office and told me one of our employees injured himself today.  I shuddered and asked what happened.

Here’s the story:

I had an employee with a tube of I*c*y H*t in his front jeans pocket.  He was loading a truck and one of the cabinets put pressure on the tube and it burst in his pocket.  It wasn’t noticable at first; I understand it takes about five minutes for the full effects to be felt.  Understandably, it brought him to tears, and to his knees, as it was burning his boy parts.  I wasn’t completely sure what to do.  I mean, I’ve never actually used this stuff, but I know it’s intended purpose.  They were asking me how to fix him.  Heck, I didn’t know.  Is this something you’d call poison control for?    So, I G00gled “how to cool the burning effect of I*c*y H*t” (or something pretty close) and came up with olive oil to stop the burn as one of the top three results, but, since we’re a manufacturing facility not an Italian restaurant, I broke out the first aid kit and he used two packets of burn cream and a whole tube of Ne0sp0rin and treated it like a burn.  (Did you know it can cause 2nd degree burns?)  Apparently, the menthol burn is along the same lines of a pepper burn in your mouth: water make its hurt worse.  My employee had tried to wash it away with cold water from the bathroom sink.

Bless his heart, it was in his pants.  No matter what he did, short of completely shedding his britches, the burn lingered on.  And on.  He had to call a ride to come get him because he couldn’t drive. I’m not sure how I scored the luxury of telling him the results of my online search and giving him the burn ointment, but it’s doubtful he’ll make eye contact with me for a while.  I’m waiting to see what they peg him with for a nickname.  There are a few floating around: hot pants, fire balls, ice man.

Oh, in case anyone is wondering, I also found this glorious tidbit as one of the top search results: “Maztrb*ting with I*c*y H*t is a bad idea.”  I ain’t linking it, but it was over at everything2(dot)com.  Here’s my thoughts on it.  Granted, I’m a girl and it’s a girl’s perspective, but anything that can burn your eyes and nose when you remove the cap is way to sensitive for the nether regions.   I will admit, sheer freaking curiosity got me to reading through the comments and this can be a “problem” amongst fellas.  The last commenter advised against using hot sauce, too.  Dude…I

Once the initial burning of the corneas stopped and my sinuses cleared from his pass through my office, it smelled like Mentos for the remainder of the afternoon.   Then I was reminded of this delightful fact: my office now smelled like his nibblets.