I don’t like wishing time away.  Not even a little bit.  But, for some reason, I have gotten into this mode that if tomorrow will just hurry up and get here I’ll be better.

I am back on Top@max.  I have taken it in the past and failed the therapy, but until we can get to the root of the headaches, it’s trial and error with new meds and repeating some old ones.  Or, as I like to call it, “Michael Finnegan Syndrome” where we “…begin again.”   So far I have tingling limbs and had to physically feel if my wedding ring was on my finger with my other hand.  Is it working? I thought maybe, but I can’t get past the headache or the waves of nausea that sweep over me to find out.  What I do know is that taking Top@max + Zofr@n + Lort@b at night makes me wacky sleepy that leaves me mighty tired and foggy the next morning clinging for another 6 hours or so of sleep.

Yesterday, in spite of the fog and tingling, I had a decent day…until early afternoon.  Doc says, “watch for triggers that bring on the most severe part of the headache and we’ll work on adjusting the behavior that surrounds them.”  This is good advice for someone who hasn’t been this route, and I know he’s only doing his job.  See, once upon a time, I worked for a cell phone company in customer service.  When people would call to complain that their phone wouldn’t work, I would have to troubleshoot with the most obvious of questions including, “is your phone on?”  You wouldn’t believe the number of times people would just hang up because they were embarrassed.  I have eliminated any and all medications I have previously taken.  My doctors talk to one another before prescribing me something.  I know pain meds can cause more harm than good, but when I feel like I’m clinging to life with an axe in my temples, I gotta do something and pain meds it is.  I’m not a drug seeker and for the past ten years I’ve controlled headaches with ibuprofen or Tylenol over the counter.  I am not a fan of narcotic pain medication, but I’m too the point that I must get it under control.  This is affecting my life to degrees I never imagined possible.  I’ve missed work.  I’m having to find someone to care for my child when I can’t drive and take care of her.  I feel like I’m wearing out our welcome with friends who are stepping up to help with Olivia.  I know it’s more in my mind than reality, but who wants to be a burden?  Ya’ll know me and I don’t like to burden any one for any reason and now that I’m having to rely on people, it, too, is taking a toll on me.

Today I’m in a snit and a fog.  No real reason for the snit, it’s just what it is. I’m glad my hair is long en0ugh to pull back into a stubby ponytail.  Makes getting up 35 minutes late that much easier to make it out the door close to on time.

I’m glad it’s Friday.  Really glad.

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