So, I was checking out a fellow blogger today and she ‘fessed up about her exercising (or lack there of), dietary habits and all things that affect her.  I’m here to ‘fess up a bit.

In 2004, I lost almost 50 lbs on Weight Watchers.   Will deployed in ’05 and I ate Big Macs.  A lot of them.  If I remember correctly , they are 14 pts. and I budgeted for them.  I also ate Taco Bell so much, they got to know my voice at the drive thru and I had to start going to another one.   I gained about 10 lbs.  I was fine with that.

He came home and life settled in and it settled on my hips.  My too cute jeans got too tight.

Then came Olivia.  I lost the 20 lbs I gained in next to no time due to learning to be a mom to a fantastic toddler.

The cycle kept going.  Weight up.  Weight down.  Weight up.  Weight down.  Then the cycle changed.  Weight up.  Weight up.  Weight up.   This is where I’m at.

I’m a stress eater.  There are so many times when I have zero will power.  I try to keep those things that break me away, but sometimes I find myself around them and I can’t help it.   With problems that came about Chateau L, I would find myself indulging.   Problems would fade and so would some of my eating, but not enough of them.  As the intensity of problems increased, the worse my eating would get.  I found myself in the comfort of a burger blanketed with cheese and a side of fries followed by a delightfully fudgy dessert.  Desserts…the old joke is “desserts is stressed spelled backwards.”  It’s true.

I can count the times I’ve since rejoined WW and fallen off the wagon.  I always say, “tomorrow” or “come Monday.”  Yes, come Monday – just like Jimmy Buffet says, “come Monday it will be alright.”  You know, Monday comes and it’s not alright.  Not for me and people who are like me.

I saw a counselor not too long ago and she kept saying, “people like you,” “people who are in your position,” “those who act like you.”   People like me is people who think they have to be in constant control of everything or they are failing.  People who can’t say no for fear of letting others down.  People who soothe themselves when no one else can or will.  Maybe others can’t or won’t because people like me don’t give them the opportunity.  Little Debbie, our favorite Chinese restaurant, the guy at the Italian restaurant who makes Alfredo sauce fresh upon ordering and the plate holds about four servings and I eat it all.  They can all soothe me.  They have been.

I need to get a grip on what is going on in my life and change the things I can and learn to accept the things I can’t.  I believe there are more that I can’t change and it frustrates me.   It frustrates me to no end.

I rejoined WW and had a successful first week back. -2.4 lbs.   I weigh in on Tuesdays and it’s also the night I treat myself to something I want.  I did that last week.  Friday was a bit of a hectic day at work.  I wanted a burger.  No problem.  Whatever.  I met Will at Chili’s and I had a burger.  This was after the HUGE order of chips and salsa.  I did have black beans instead of fries.  But I had a few big ‘ol frosty libations.   They were followed by a molten hot fudge cake topped with a scoop of delicious ice cream.  I did pick the hard shell off.  But it didn’t stop there.  Saturday, Olivia and I went to Ikea and I had their delicious meatballs with mashed potatoes.  Pizza for dinner.  I ate so badly all weekend.  Then Chinese on Monday.  I couldn’t stop.  I did what I knew I shouldn’t…I skipped weigh in on Tuesday.  I need to go on Saturday so I don’t miss a week, but I don’t think I’m going to be able to bring myself to do it.

Prom season is here.  For those who may be new around me blog, a local radio station has a second chance prom to benefit their children’s charityLast year Will couldn’t go…he was with the Guard.  The year before we had a blast.  I bought a little black dress.  It’s a pretty dress.  It was a GREAT deal.  The problem: It almost zips.   Yes, you read that right: I bought a great dress that almost zips.  I need it to fit.  Otherwise, I feel like I’m slipping back into that failure slot, which is where I feel like I’ve been way too long.  I have until April 25.  I can do it.  I will do it.

There you have it.  My laundry is aired.  Hopefully I’m refreshed and renewed.

Be well,
Susan

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