There are going to be many steps to this but I want to write about the first one…

I saved an orphan.*

Last night I purposely kept my little porcelain China doll up past her bedtime so we could watch the follow up Paula Zahn show on CNN. I wanted little sprout to see that because her daddy and I were on a humanitarian mission and the first on our to-do list was rescue an orphan, she was in her warm home in the land of the free and not having to worry about turning to a life working in rice patties. No, that would never work. Because you see, we had our wheels turning during the process and we knew that we wanted a super smart, science minded kid who would one day make lots of money and we would charge her back the cost of the adoption plus 30 years of interest (at a rate not yet decided) and, thus, we would retire. Parenting, schmarenting. It’s quite simple, actually. She owed me. She will not have black lung from the smog and nasty filthy air she would otherwise breathe as she biked her way from her little shanty to her rice patty gig. Dentist visits will be had…braces, if need be, so she’ll always have that beautiful Chinese look she’s supposed to have – but she must know it will be at an additional cost. Besides, we didn’t want an ugly kid. I’ve already moved the silverware drawer to the bottom drawer in the kitchen. Hey, she’s two. Isn’t she old enough to do her part in unloading the dishwasher and earning her keep? Shhh! That’s behind closed doors. When we are out in public it’s a totally different story. We dress our little porcelain princess up in the knock-off silk dresses and matching shoes and parade her around town reminding everyone we meet that we saved an orphan. We brought this little destitute girl to the US to make us look good. Afterall, why would we want to spew forth kids on our own that would possibly be ugly or (gasp) stupid? No, too big of a risk. It was much easier to go through two sets of fingerprints, background checks, hound friends for letters of reference, show a couple of years tax returns and write a check. Much easier. The wait? Not a big deal at all because the end results outweighed everything else. Adopting an American kid was not an option for us. Nope…Chinese all the way. Same risks of having one of our own…ugly and dumb. Oh, throw in a crackhead baby momma – yes, sirree, that’s a recipe for disaster. Dim sum all the way for us. So the one we have knows to sit quietly with her hands folded in her lap and not speak until she is spoken to. For every dollar she receives as a gift, we take 75% of it for her cost of living with us. Hey, diapers are expensive.

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Okay, so hopefully all of you know that was all pure crap and nothing more. It’s sad that people actually have the mindset of the reasons people adopt from China. One of these days I’m going to jump in on Johnny’s post Why China? I’ve enjoyed reading everyone else’s posts on it and one day will share my own. I missed the original Paula Zahn disaster but I read the transcript and last night I made sure I watched the follow up. Unfortunately, it was as sickening as the clips they showed from the original. I know we can’t educate the world and what is the most disturbing to me is that the topic strayed so far and she never tried to bring it back to the correct level (at least that’s the impression I got). One apologized, one still shot crap from his pie hole and the one with all the “research” wasn’t even there. Who is she researching? Obviously not the 1000’s of people who sent in emails. It was sad to see Paula Zahn’s smug look as she tried to appease the masses who emailed her to try and save face gain more insight into the topic. She looked so much less amused than she did the first go round. Maybe not enough Chink and muslim jokes facts to hold her interest.

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*I swear it’s not the truth and please don’t leave negative comments or email me.

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