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Three years ago today.
This was my blog post from February 15, 2006
Well, today’s the day we’ve been waiting for. We’re leaving for China. As I type this, Will is in bed trying to get some z’s before we have to get up at 3 a.m. to leave for the airport at 4. It’s going to be a loooonnnng day. Of course adrenaline has me up. I tried to go to sleep at midnight and that lasted for about a whopping 20 minutes and here I am. As I was laying there I kept hearing my heartbeat in my ears and I swear it sounded like it was beating a million times a minute. If I can’t sleep, I might as well be productive. I have two hours and forty-five minutes before the alarm goes off.
I have one bag under the weight limit at 32.5 lbs. and it is the one with ALL of Olivia’s clothes, blankets, clothes for the orphanage, etc. How? Well, we went to the Army-Navy store and bought a military duffle bag. It has no weight to start with and it was cheap $16.xx. We have one but it is military green and has US Navy stamped on it and we felt kind of odd going into China with military insignia so we bought a black one. It’s loaded to the gills – and under weight. The other one…well, not quite so lucky on it. It was at 55 lbs and we decided if it was going to be over, then over it was. We’ll pay. I stopped tonite on my way home from work and bought a new light weight suitcase that is 1″ bigger and expands 2″…our other was just a 29″ not expandable. Holy smokes…this rocked. I repacked and realized that I still had room left! So I gather more goodies and rearrange the carry ons and am stoked with all the room I have left. I zip it up, put it on the scales and weigh it. It’s up 10 lbs. Sheesh. So then I turn around and behind me is all of our socks and undergoodies that I didn’t repack in the new suitcase. That’s where all my free space came from. I’m thinking now I wished I would have bought 2 of the duffle bags and been done with it. So, I took out the new loot, put in the necessities and strapped her all up. DONE. Loaded and ready to go.
This will be my last post until Beijing. Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers. We can always use them and can never have too many. I can’t believe I am five days away from meeting Olivia face to face. How cool is this….
Until Beijing…
Susan
I can’t believe three years ago we left on a trip that would change our lives forever and I don’t just mean being parents. From the people we met, the food we ate and the sights we saw. It was hands down the trip of a lifetime. By the way, it was really hard trying to tell someone who spoke no English that I forgot my hairbrush. Collectively, we had 40 pairs of underwear, but no hairbrush.
Time flies when you’re having fun.
Will and I were promoted from a couple to a family.
At 2:42 p.m. on December 8, 2005, we received this picture in our email:
Yu Si Jia had been chosen to be our daughter and was waiting for us in Chongqing.
I never knew I could love one person so stinking much!
Donna and Joe got the call they’ve been waiting over for three years for!! Go on over and show ‘em some love. That is one cute kid!
Deployment brings with it all sorts of questions ranging from how to adjust my schedule, work, worry, cooking for just Olivia and me, and the oh-so-dreaded question of: “What about another baby?” First of all, deployment, for us, does not mean expand family. The first words out of some mouths of wives in Will’s unit after the deployment was announced was, “I’m gittin’ pregnant.” I’m not making fun. It’s exactly how they sounded when they said it. We are totally in love with Olivia and are thoroughly enjoying her. Different strokes for different folks, but I’ve always wanted some space in between kids and, yes, this deployment will bring with it a wee bit more space than we originally planned for, but, hey, I had a luxurious Disney trip planned that crumbled right before my eyes, too. The best laid plans…
Honestly, I don’t know what our future holds for our family. I think we both would love to have another child. I have had one girl and now I’d take 100 boys. Will, on the other hand, wants more girls. I admit, sometimes I would love to find out I’m pregnant, but other times it doesn’t phase me. I don’t get bitter when I see pregnant people and I hold no secret hard feelings for friends and family who have babies. For the record, I so enjoyed celebrating my wonderful baby shower my friend J hosted for me with a cold beer. Anyway, to date, it’s not been in our cards and, for the most part, I’m okay with that. Fertility issues are a bitter pill to swallow and miscarriages cause a lot of heartache. Adoption costs are expensive, domestic or international, and the wait to bring a sibling home from China is wicked crazy long right now. We’ve talked about our options and are thinking them through carefully. When family planning involves paperwork that expires, fingerprints, homestudy with updates and a husband who will be thousands of miles away, it takes a bit more planning.
I usually don’t mind people asking me questions and most people mean no harm in the stuff they ask, but I do feel the need to answer this one out loud: No, we will not be freezing sperm.
I’m absolutely disgusted over this.
I reentered the link above, but here’s the address if the link doesn’t work: http://www.pittsburghlive.com/x/pittsburghtrib/opinion/columnists/seate/s_573477.html
If his wife didn’t already have his balls hanging from her rear-view mirror, I’d go for them. Obviously she has them, why else would he have ”… sat through not one, but two, chick flicks with my wife in as many weekends”?
I don’t even know what my rational response is right now because the response I started to him went a little something like this:
Asshole.
I dare anyone to tell me face to face my child is less deserving of a home than any other child in the world, especially some classless, nadless asshole who doesn’t have a f-ing clue. I. Dare. You.
And as far as him being a journalist? You can put kittens in the oven, but it doesn’t make them biscuits.
I googled this columnist’s name last night and it appears this is his style. His bigotry and racism spreads far and wide, which he pawns off as “jokes.”
Last night I also thought about my initial reaction to what he wrote and I was somewhat ashamed of myself. I thought about deleting my post, but then I decided not to. It was my initial reaction and, while I’m not proud of it, it is still my reaction. Some things chap me and this is one of them. Maybe I’m being thin-skinned, maybe I’m not.
So, I’m going to go out on a limb and guess that he’s found a new since of self in being proactive with children who need forever families. I’ll be looking for his follow up article talking about fostering and adopting some of these children he is so concerned about. Oh, yeah. What about the white kids who are in the foster care system? I guess only black, biracial and Latino children are the ones special enough to make his list of domestic ”must haves.” What? Surely you don’t think he would cast stones if he wasn’t already working on becoming an adoptive parent himself.
Pompous jerk.
By now, I’m sure you have all heard/read about the earthquake in China. The death toll is climbing. I’ve gotten a couple of emails and I checked Half the Sky’s website and the orphanages they sponsor in the area, including Olivia’s, were not affected, but they will be working on checking on those in the other cities.
Regardless of where the tragedy occured, it is a terrible one and these folks need our prayers.
This was my blogpost from two years ago….
Well we are finally able to access our email. Last nite we weren’t able to so there were no picures. We met Olivia yesterday afternoon about 3:30. We were the third family of four to be called. She was not happy, to say the least, but we were expecting that and were as prepared as we could be. She has a set of lungs that must be the size of Texas and they sure do work. She cried for about an hour and then settled down some. Last night we were able to get her to smile and giggle a little bit. She has a cold and is congested and tugging on her ears so that’s not helping any. We gave her some Cheerios and she has held two of them, one in each hand, for about an hour. She won’t eat them and she won’t let them go, either. When the nanny handed her to us, she had a small piece of wrapped candy in one hand a pack of cookies in the other. She never tried to put either in her mouth. She loves her daddy and has gotten picking his nose down to a science. She loves to open her book and turn the pages. She’s still not sure of everything and we are letting her set the rules. She went down last nite about 8:30 and slept until almost 7 this morning.To sum up, we love her. We love her more than we ever thought we would. Being a mom feels good. However, I have quickly experienced the angst of not being able to make my baby feel better.Here are some pictures and we’ll send more as we get them off the camera.Lots of love to everyone.
Will, Susan and Olivia
Three years ago, someone made a choice that, unbeknownst to us, would change our lives in a way we never dreamed possible. February 20, 2005 a tiny baby, we now call Olivia, was taken to the Chongqing Children’s Welfare Institute (also known as Chongqing Children’s Home) in Chongqing China. While we’ll never know the circumstances surrounding the choices of her birthmother/parents, we are blessed and honored to have this child as a part of our family tree. Exactly one year from that date, she had her forever family.
It’s amazing how our lives have evolved over the past two years. I think Olivia has probably taught us more than we could ever dream of teaching her. We have our moments, but if we didn’t we wouldn’t be a normal family. However, what we also have is love; a lot of love. Not to mention THE coolest kid on the planet.
Here are some pictures from the day we were promoted from a couple to parents…
My girl today:
I love her. I love her. I love her. If another blessing is never bestowed upon me, I will have known the greatest blessing of all: the love of my daughter.
I’ve hesitated blogging about this, but it’s interesting in a not so ordinary way, at least to us it is.
A couple of months ago, Will shouted for me to come to the living room. When I got there, he told Olivia, “Tell your mommy what you just told me.” This is how it went:
Olivia: My father is very, very sick.
Me: Really? Where is your father?
Olivia: He lives far, far away.
Me: Where does he live?
Olivia: Far away.
Me: Olivia, what is your daddy’s name?
Olivia: Will.
Me: What is your father’s name?
Olivia: I don’t know his name. He’s sick, mommy.
Me: What’s your mommy’s name?
Olivia: Susan.
Me: What’s your mother’s name?
Olivia: Oh, mommy. Stop being silly.
Here’s the skinny on the “being adopted” gig at our house. Olivia knows she was born in China. Baby Jia-Jia’s picture (her referral picture) is on her nightstand and she sometimes asks to see her baby picture and we’ll look at it and talk about it. You ask her and she’ll tell you she was born in China and came to North Carolina on an airplane. She knows her address and phone number so she’s well aware of where she is. There are strict instructions at her school that they are NOT to approach the issue of adoption with her at any point for any reason without first talking to me should it ever come up. I am her mommy. Will is her daddy. End of their discussion with the rest being handled by me and I’ll let them know when it comes time to do differently. Not bitchy, just my thing. So, after speaking with the teachers and administrators, everyone told me it’s never come up at school and, if it should, they know how I wish to have it approached and handled. I’m happy with that.
Now, back to that night…I explained to Olivia that I am her mommy and Will is her daddy and that while she was born in China, we will always be her mommy and daddy and there is nobody who will ever make it any different. We haven’t taken the plunge into the birthmother thing yet…it’s coming, we just don’t think it’s time. Her reply? “I love you so much. Don’t be silly and help me with Mike’s blanket, please.” Mike is her doll…he was cold.
From time to time things like this pop up and it just floors me. She still calls herself Jia-Jia and answers to it and Olivia and all the pet names I throw out to her. She and my mom were playing restaurant the other day and, of course, O was “the lady” (a.k.a. the waitress. Yes, we eat out waaay too much) Anyway, she told my mom her name was Si Jia, which is her Chinese name. We NEVER call her Si Jia and I have no idea where it came from. Mom enjoyed her imaginary soup and Si Jia was the best little waitress in the joint.
I’m sure a lot of it is kid imagination, but it makes me wonder. This kid is amazing.
Pop on over and give a big ‘ol shout out of congrats to Shannon on her referral for Emily. Shannon we love you and can’t wait for the fabulous Miss O to teach her CQ sister the ropes.
Oh, yeah…Tony we’re giddy for you, too!!
Hectic doesn’t begin to describe how life has been for the past several weeks. The L’s have tons of things going on and there just doesn’t seem to be enough time in the day to get all done. Here’s recap of the past several weeks:
- February 20 was the one year anniversary of meeting Olivia for the first time and welcoming her into our hearts and lives forever. The pictures we took to mark our day are hideous.
- March 1 was our one year anniversary home.
- Olivia is officially in a big-girl-bed! We converted the crib into the toddler bed and she slept in it all of three nights. In order to convert it to a full size bed, we would have to order the rails from the manufacturer for $100. Let me back up just a wee bit…O’s crib is a spinoff of another crib by the same manufacturer. For the most part it’s the same but there was slight tweaking so we bought it because the other wasn’t being manufactured at the time and no one knew when it would be. I bought the spinoff and it’s a beautiful crib and I love the styling of it. When I called to order the rails, the not quite so courteous rep said they didn’t have them. When I asked when they were going to get them her reply was this, “You bought the crib when it first came out (I ordered it in May 2005) and we figured it would be at least three to four years before people would need them so we didn’t make them.” Hmmm. Okay, that’s great but I still want to know when you’ll have them. Maybe March, could be April or AUGUST. Not sure what happend to May, June and July. Then came the part of me who has a hole phobia. With this crib, unlike it’s twin, the sides of the crib screw into what would be the headboard leaving these two holes that might as well be 100′ in diameter. Can’t order wooden plugs that are already stained and it seemed like tons of work to try and match the stain, find the right size, blah, blah, blah to do it on my own. So, I decided to just spend a little extra money and buy a new bed for Miss O and store the crib for Baby L2. No, we aren’t paperchasing and don’t know when we will. It’s in the talks due to some other things going on in our lives but we won’t know for sure until probably the summer as to when we will start. So, for now, the crib is stowed. There’s a little neato tid bit I want to share about operation big girl bed but will wait until I post the pics so I can show you.
- I’ve muddled my way through six boxes of Girl Scout cookies and my waist line is feeling the pain. Actually, it’s my jeans who are refusing to give. But, I also understand there are some of my bloggy sisters who have indulged in the cookie madness. I’ll start Weight Watchers again in two more boxes of Tagalongs. And on the subject of GS cookies, why the sudden name changes? Tagalongs are now simply peanut butter patties? What’s that all about? I guess maybe they want simplicity and I ate 3 boxes to convince myself they taste the same. They do.
- The fabulous Miss Olivia has a new obsession: School buses. She can spot a school bus with one eye closed, two side streets away and behind a mountain. I don’t know where the obsession came from and what is so fascinating. The older kids where she goes to school don’t ride a traditional yellow bus, they have, what I call, a tourist bus…you know the little one the grammies and grampies ride in for tours of waterfalls and such? I guess I need to learn all the words to “Wheels on the Bus.”
- I’m trying to finish up a cookbook I’ve been writing. It started off as a fundraising effort for BL2 but has a new purpose added to it. That post will follow, too.
We are alive. Thank you for the emails and hopefully I’ll be able to get back in the groove of blogging soon as I sure do miss it and not to mention I have 200+ blog updates to read!
Until next time…
I know most of you in the adoption community have read the following article in one place or another this past week:
BIG BABY GIRL SALE – ONLY $17,000! – Jim Dossett
The Chinese have given us many things; gunpowder, spaghetti, woks,
Jackie Chan. Oh yes, they’ve also been delighted to give us their
discarded children. Actually, they’re delighted to sell us their
kids. And government officials have laid down new ground rules for
foreigners who want to adopt children from China’s overflowing
orphanages.Prospective adoptive parents must not be obese; no more than 50
years old; must not take antidepressants; must not have severe
facial deformities. So the bottom line is, if you take up two seats
on a plane, are a member of AARP, take Prozac, or resemble the
Elephant Man – No Chinese kids for you!Mind you, these edicts are issued by a culture where parents
traditionally leave female babies at orphanages or by the roadside
because they wanted a son, or because the government allows them
only one child. Ninety-five percent of the children available for
adoption are girls. I’m amazed that one of the world’s oldest
civilizations, dating back to more than six millennnia, still
doesn’t realize that women are the best of us all.I doubt whether many Campbell Countians would be eligible to adopt a
Chinese baby – not because we’re fat, old, or grotesquely deformed -
but because it costs more to buy a child in China than many of us
make in a year.According to Chinese baby brokers, the estimated total cost of a no-
frills adoption, not including travel, is about $12,000. The
estimated total cost plus travel for two is $17,120.00 – such a deal.“End of Year Sale! Get your certified, pre-owned girl child for the
amazing price of $17,120! She’s a beauty despite a few minor
scratches and dents, but comes with a manufacturer’s warranty – no
surprises under the hood or the diaper!”Once the bucks are shelled out for the kiddie commodity, who knows
where the money ends up. Maybe some of the cash trickles into the
new charity created by the China Center for Adoption Affairs. This
burgeoning group of capitalists is hopeful the charity will improve
conditions in orphanages and “keep infants and young children alive
and well enough to be adopted.” It makes you wonder about the fate
of toddlers who are not well.Despite the high costs and stringent rules issued by the baby
dealers, childless couples from the U.S. and around the world still
flock to China in hopes of bringing baby home. God bless you decent
souls. Stick religiously to your pretrip diets of carrot sticks and
cottage cheese and look forward to the fat and happy times you’ll
have raising your baby girl!
When Paula Zahn did her crappy show, I didn’t send an email although it was sickening to hear such crap spewed forth. This time I did send one and I, like others, got a response back but I think those of us this late in the week got a different canned response than the rest of you:
My email:
Dear Staff:
I am sure you have received numerous emails regarding Mr. Dossett’s article about adopting children from China. We, like thousands of other parents, have the joy and pleasure of being parents to a daughter from the Chongqing province in China who was adopted one year ago yesterday. We put no specifications ( i.e. specifically requesting a daughter) in our petition to adopt, simply requesting to be parents of a child. We were referred the most beautiful little girl who has a personality that is a perfect match with our family. Had there been any issues with our child, we would have gladly have approached and treated them appropriately, just as we would a biological child. Our daughter was 11 months old at referral and we have friends who have adopted special needs and non-special needs of all ages up to age 12.
Adoption, or to “buy a child” as Mr. Dossett refers to it, is quite expensive, domestic or international. If he would have researched more thoroughly, he would have found that the majority of the monies paid are here within the United States to our government and adoption agencies. Only about $4, 500.00 is paid in country and includes the orphanage donation, medical exam, visa and passport. To adopt a child is an emotionally taxing decision and is not one to be entered lightly, which we did not. After rallying friends for letters of recommendation, two sets of fingerprints, background checks, home study and mountains of documents to be authenticated, we were approved to be parents. Adoptive parents are scrutinized from income and tax information to our homes and the type of environment our children will be raised in. We are far from wealthy, in terms of money, but we work hard to make sure we have created the best possible environment for our daughter to learn and grow in.
Our daughter spent the first 13 months of her life in an orphanage that is sponsored by an American foundation. This foundation raises money for orphanages throughout China to help maintain an environment in which the children can learn and thrive while there. There are special programs created for infants to allow caregivers to hold and nurture children, something that is critical in the early months of their lives. There are classes set up for school aged children. Orphanages are being renovated and built. As sad as it is, for many of these children, it is the closest to a family they will ever have. I invite you to read about their programs on their website http://www.halfthesky.org.
The restrictions China has placed on who is eligible to adopt is their right and you should note other countries have similar restrictions. Where are your articles on those countries? How about Russian children who are abandoned and who are turned out as prostitutes at the age of 14 or so if they aren’t adopted? Guatemalan children who are placed for adoption and the corruption that goes along with those adoptions. Dear sirs, no adoption program is flawless, including ones in the United States. While we will never know the circumstances surrounding our daughter being abandoned, we are only thankful she is part of our family. We choose not to romanticize something we simply do not know but not one time will you ever hear us, or other adoptive parents, criticize her birth parents for their decision.
It is appalling to read such a bigoted article and that editors would allow such dribble to be printed, regardless of any sarcastic undertone or tongue in cheek intended. In the perfect world I should not have to explain my family dynamic to anyone but, since I do, articles such as this one have made a mockery of family dynamics world wide (as Chinese children are adopted by other countries and not just the U.S.) and will be the reason we are put in the position of answering asinine questions that are raised by readers whose only information is what they read in such articles.
I respect your freedom of speech but I must say it is disappointing to know a “journalist” wrote an article with such a bigoted and racist view.
I also invite you to look at the attached photos of our daughter. The daughter you say is “a beauty despite a few minor scratches and dents, but comes with a manufacturer’s warranty – no surprises under the hood or the diaper!” There are a lot of surprises that come along with a child, adopted or not, but for you to refer to our children using verbiage that one would find printed in used car ads is pathetic.
What’s next? Bashing our military and the tour my husband served in Iraq? Or have I missed it already? I can certainly dispel many of your myths and untruths regarding that and will be glad to direct you to others who are more passionate about it than I should you need further clarification.
Sincerely,
Susan
And the response I got:
Susan,Thank you for sharing your photos and this information.
Please allow me to share with you the apology that ran in the next issue following the publication of Jim Dossett’s opinion piece.
An apology from
Publisher Linn Hudson
Printed in the Feb. 22, 2007 issue
In the past week, the LaFollette Press has received numerous emails regarding Jim Dossett’s opinion piece that appeared last week on the editorial page of our newspaper. I have offered my personal apology to those who have contacted us, and I now extend that apology to our full readership. I have spoken with Jim and he also apologizes.
Jim’s comments were aimed at the Chinese government and its policies for adoptions. He did not intend to disparage adoptive children and their adoptive parents.
We have learned through this experience we must look at opinion pieces through the eyes of those being discussed. In this instance, we could and should have done a better job in that regard.
Jim himself was adopted as a child. Due to this experience, Jim respects and admires those who adopt on a local, national or international level.
The feedback we received is appreciated and will help us deal with sensitive topics in the future.
I have spoken with a local family who adopted a daughter from China. They are allowing us to feature their positive and uplifting story in an upcoming issue.
Either myself or the editor has read each email that we received and we will continue to do so. Please know we take this matter seriously.
And lastly, my reply:
Linn:
While I appreciate your reply, it boggles me as to why Jim hasn’t written the apology himself? Maybe it’s just the way it’s done where you are but where I come from people own up to mistakes and blunders such as this. Maybe the power of the pen gives one immunity but I certainly know I would hate to be the one who has to eat all his crow and plow through the muck.
The adoption community is one that is tight knit and spans the globe. Maybe you all should be glad more of us don’t live in your town or I’m sure your readership would grossly drop.
I hope you are sincere when you write this matter is being taken very seriously. I don’t live near you, nor do probably ninety-five percent of the people who emailed you, if not more, but it only took one of your readers to show the rest of us the poor taste of a journalist on your staff.
Sincerely,
Susan
Jackasses.
A few moons ago, Johnny started the post “Why China?” and I’ve been asked to be next in the series. It’s not fluffy but it’s how we got where we are. I had no dreams. I had no visions. No tea leaves lined up. Nothing. Heck, I didn’t even know about the red thread until I joined a Yahoo group.
When Will and I first got married 10 years ago, we didn’t know if we even wanted to have kids. We were in our early 20s and didn’t know what we wanted. We lived in a teensy tinsy townhouse for a couple of years and decided to buy a house. We didn’t buy a big house because, after all, it was just the two of us and felt it probably would always be. Most of our friends had kids and we were cool with them. After another couple of years we decided maybe we did want to be parents but were always unsure as to whether we would be able to or not due some of my past medical history. So there it began.
After about a year and a half and thousands of dollars of testing later, we had to make a decision. We wanted to be parents. Yes, we loved our friends’ kids. We adored our nieces but we wanted more. The day I turned 30 was hard for me. Not because I was 30 but because I was 30 without kids. We started exploring some different options – some I was okay with and others not so much. We had one set of money, if you will, and wanted to make sure we made the best decision for us to become a family.
We chose not to go with fertility treatments because our odds weren’t going to be all that great and, quite frankly, we just simply couldn’t afford but so much financially or emotionally. We then thought about adoption. It took Will longer to get on board with it than me. He had a concern about being able to love a child that was not biologically ours. It was a very valid concern and I will always admire him for being so honest about it. I reminded him we have our nieces, goddaughter, D&T’s kids and other friends’ kids we love as though they were our own and he agreed. He had one foot on board and I was going full speed ahead. Now the tough choice: domestic or international. We knew either way we would need to have a homestudy so we picked an agency and went to their seminar where both domestic and international adoptions were outlined and were not country specific. We listened to a family speak of their two adoptions – one domestic with open visitation with the birthmother of their daughter and their son was adopted from Russia. We were scared of domestic adoption because of all the horror stories you hear. While in our minds we know there are so many that don’t fail but we have a lot of close contact with people whose have failed and listening to their stories was heartwrenching. In our minds we always knew the birthmother could change her mind and halt the adoption but we never thought about the birthfather being able to, probaly because you hear so little about it. We weren’t comfortable with having open visitation, etc. with birthparents; the only person I wanted to coparent with was Will. It wasn’t for us.
My cousin has adopted from Kazakhstan and my parents have some friends who adopted one daughter from China and were waiting for their second. Since the decision had been made to adopt, we had to decide what country as we had ruled out domestic. There were a lot of things that we had to take in consideration including our finances, vacation/leave time and program’s history, among some other things. After mounds of research and consideration, we chose China. I ordered packets from a dozen or more agencies and read through them all. Our agency was referred to us by my parents’ friends and when it came down to it, they had the least invasive application and no contracts or other mumbo jumbo they wanted us to sign.
While we’ve gotten loads of support from friends and family, there are many who will always question why we chose not to adopt an American child. We simply wanted to be a family and wanted to make sure that when we did become one, there wasn’t going to be a phone call or visit two years down the road to take it all away from us. While it may be viewed as selfish to some and outrageous to others, our family dynamic is what it is and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I dare someone who has met Olivia to tell us they think we should have gone another route. If we had, that little girl they’re oohing and ahhing over wouldn’t be here.
We are not saviors and we didn’t save an orphan. We didn’t whisk a destitute child out of her pitiful life. We aren’t Chinese and she’s not white. If anything, she has saved us and helped us redefine our lives. At the end of the day we are nothing more than a family.
Here are some other folks who have shared their stories:
So, it’s come down to this -> OmegaMom ->Letters From the Zoo -> The Singing Bird ->Elsie Elsewhere -> Chicago Mama -> Sopapilla -> Are We There Yet? -> Hope Springs -> Jiaozi -> Figlet -> Bionic Valentine -> Hao Bao Bao -> Mortimer’s Mom -> Jazzie and Tahlia -> Ruby In Her Own Time -> Hey ho, hey ho -> Love Made Real -> The Moon is Always Female -> buttercup -> Waiting for Sprout -> Somewhere in China -> TBG Happenings -> Our Unforgotten Daughter -> Awaiting Ava -> Waiting on Emma -> Our Journey to Mia Lin -> Journey for Jensen
There are going to be many steps to this but I want to write about the first one…
I saved an orphan.*
Last night I purposely kept my little porcelain China doll up past her bedtime so we could watch the follow up Paula Zahn show on CNN. I wanted little sprout to see that because her daddy and I were on a humanitarian mission and the first on our to-do list was rescue an orphan, she was in her warm home in the land of the free and not having to worry about turning to a life working in rice patties. No, that would never work. Because you see, we had our wheels turning during the process and we knew that we wanted a super smart, science minded kid who would one day make lots of money and we would charge her back the cost of the adoption plus 30 years of interest (at a rate not yet decided) and, thus, we would retire. Parenting, schmarenting. It’s quite simple, actually. She owed me. She will not have black lung from the smog and nasty filthy air she would otherwise breathe as she biked her way from her little shanty to her rice patty gig. Dentist visits will be had…braces, if need be, so she’ll always have that beautiful Chinese look she’s supposed to have – but she must know it will be at an additional cost. Besides, we didn’t want an ugly kid. I’ve already moved the silverware drawer to the bottom drawer in the kitchen. Hey, she’s two. Isn’t she old enough to do her part in unloading the dishwasher and earning her keep? Shhh! That’s behind closed doors. When we are out in public it’s a totally different story. We dress our little porcelain princess up in the knock-off silk dresses and matching shoes and parade her around town reminding everyone we meet that we saved an orphan. We brought this little destitute girl to the US to make us look good. Afterall, why would we want to spew forth kids on our own that would possibly be ugly or (gasp) stupid? No, too big of a risk. It was much easier to go through two sets of fingerprints, background checks, hound friends for letters of reference, show a couple of years tax returns and write a check. Much easier. The wait? Not a big deal at all because the end results outweighed everything else. Adopting an American kid was not an option for us. Nope…Chinese all the way. Same risks of having one of our own…ugly and dumb. Oh, throw in a crackhead baby momma – yes, sirree, that’s a recipe for disaster. Dim sum all the way for us. So the one we have knows to sit quietly with her hands folded in her lap and not speak until she is spoken to. For every dollar she receives as a gift, we take 75% of it for her cost of living with us. Hey, diapers are expensive.
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Okay, so hopefully all of you know that was all pure crap and nothing more. It’s sad that people actually have the mindset of the reasons people adopt from China. One of these days I’m going to jump in on Johnny’s post Why China? I’ve enjoyed reading everyone else’s posts on it and one day will share my own. I missed the original Paula Zahn disaster but I read the transcript and last night I made sure I watched the follow up. Unfortunately, it was as sickening as the clips they showed from the original. I know we can’t educate the world and what is the most disturbing to me is that the topic strayed so far and she never tried to bring it back to the correct level (at least that’s the impression I got). One apologized, one still shot crap from his pie hole and the one with all the “research” wasn’t even there. Who is she researching? Obviously not the 1000’s of people who sent in emails. It was sad to see Paula Zahn’s smug look as she tried to appease the masses who emailed her to try and save face gain more insight into the topic. She looked so much less amused than she did the first go round. Maybe not enough Chink and muslim jokes facts to hold her interest.
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*I swear it’s not the truth and please don’t leave negative comments or email me.
I’ve gotten this question quite a bit lately and I’ll throw my answer out here. I toyed with it for a while and while I can say it’s for Olivia, it’s really for me - not the everyday stories but her pictures. There was a blogger mom who had some creepy blogger swipe the pics off her blog and post the child as her own. So, it kind of creeped me out some. Then I was checking my blog stats one day and looked to see how people found me. Some weirdo g00gled “girls in mini sh0rts” and it pulled up my Chuck-E-Cheeze post. Yikes! That reaffirmed my decision. People have found me other ways by searching “mosquito bite” or something like that but never something I deemed as freakishly weird. I’ve never really had a concern about people stealing my child’s pic or anything of that nature and as I’ve mentioned before, we’ve been fortunate to have gracious guests who don’t leave a lot of negativity here, which is why to chose to not go totally password protected. But that super duper creeped me out and so all of O’s pics will be password protected because I don’t want to think that somewhere out there is some perv thrilling his cookies looking at my girl. Also, there are some looming things in the L future that I may want/need to post about but not want the entire free world to see.
On a happy note – aren’t all the new referrals just as cute as they can be? So are the ones on their way home soon. Perrin and family are enjoying their newest addition making them a family of four. Mark and Stephanie are loving life with their kidlet. Our best to all of them!
The Funshines are here!! Mary-Mia and Rod have twin girls! Pop on over and say congrats to them. Mary-Mia has always kept a listing of all the referrals and has a listing of the new babes so check them out, too. There are some real cute babies making their way home.
Our local friends B&C were referred a beautiful little girl from Chongqing but she and O are from different orphanages. She and O are 14 months apart so Miss O can show Miss A the ropes 
Lots of hugs and well wishes to all the parents who got referrals this month (and months past). I’ve not been as good of a blogger in congratulating as I should have been.
We have completed our first post placement visit. It was supposed to be last week but he called to reschedule at the last minute. Yep, our social worker is a he – well the one who does our home visits. We cleaned. We scrubbed. We cleaned. We dual protected cabinets with safety latches. I made sure the fire extinguisher hadn’t gone bad. We cleaned. O had a bath so she was smelling all good and we put her in a cute pair of pj’s because his visit was at 7 pm and her bedtime is 7:30. She was on her game. She correctly identified all her body parts and performed other toddler tasks on demand. How awesome was this? He asked basic questions about her development, likes, dislikes, etc. and got up to leave. What? It’s over? All this work I did and that’s it? He sat in the recliner and Pom Pom sniffed his shoe while he asked a handful of questions. My kid performed like a champ and you’re leaving? You aren’t even going to look at her room that is stocked with every toy in the world? You must. So he checked out her abode and made some notes. Why are you making notes about her room? Is there something wrong? Nothing – I mean nothing – was out of place. He then looked at me and said, “China will want to know what you are doing to help her learn about her culture, etc.” Well, I had to break out the flash cards we bought in China. The transportation sets show cars such as the Bentley, spaceship, Porsche – all things a tot must know. The animal set shows a hedgepig – I guess hedgehog doesn’t translate. We have the “traditional” Chinese dresses and even had our picture made in matching ones together! We have porcelain, silk, chops, chopsticks, art from her province, squeaky shoes, etc. We have a lot of stuff. He glances around her room looking for the art. We have it but you know my aversion to holes in the wall. Maybe by the next post placement.
We said our goodbyes and then he whips out his invoice for his roundtrip visit to us. $85.37. Like the first check I sent wasn’t enough to cover it. But, she’s ours for another six months and my house is clean.
