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I know most of you in the adoption community have read the following article in one place or another this past week:
BIG BABY GIRL SALE – ONLY $17,000! – Jim Dossett
The Chinese have given us many things; gunpowder, spaghetti, woks,
Jackie Chan. Oh yes, they’ve also been delighted to give us their
discarded children. Actually, they’re delighted to sell us their
kids. And government officials have laid down new ground rules for
foreigners who want to adopt children from China’s overflowing
orphanages.Prospective adoptive parents must not be obese; no more than 50
years old; must not take antidepressants; must not have severe
facial deformities. So the bottom line is, if you take up two seats
on a plane, are a member of AARP, take Prozac, or resemble the
Elephant Man – No Chinese kids for you!Mind you, these edicts are issued by a culture where parents
traditionally leave female babies at orphanages or by the roadside
because they wanted a son, or because the government allows them
only one child. Ninety-five percent of the children available for
adoption are girls. I’m amazed that one of the world’s oldest
civilizations, dating back to more than six millennnia, still
doesn’t realize that women are the best of us all.I doubt whether many Campbell Countians would be eligible to adopt a
Chinese baby – not because we’re fat, old, or grotesquely deformed -
but because it costs more to buy a child in China than many of us
make in a year.According to Chinese baby brokers, the estimated total cost of a no-
frills adoption, not including travel, is about $12,000. The
estimated total cost plus travel for two is $17,120.00 – such a deal.“End of Year Sale! Get your certified, pre-owned girl child for the
amazing price of $17,120! She’s a beauty despite a few minor
scratches and dents, but comes with a manufacturer’s warranty – no
surprises under the hood or the diaper!”Once the bucks are shelled out for the kiddie commodity, who knows
where the money ends up. Maybe some of the cash trickles into the
new charity created by the China Center for Adoption Affairs. This
burgeoning group of capitalists is hopeful the charity will improve
conditions in orphanages and “keep infants and young children alive
and well enough to be adopted.” It makes you wonder about the fate
of toddlers who are not well.Despite the high costs and stringent rules issued by the baby
dealers, childless couples from the U.S. and around the world still
flock to China in hopes of bringing baby home. God bless you decent
souls. Stick religiously to your pretrip diets of carrot sticks and
cottage cheese and look forward to the fat and happy times you’ll
have raising your baby girl!
When Paula Zahn did her crappy show, I didn’t send an email although it was sickening to hear such crap spewed forth. This time I did send one and I, like others, got a response back but I think those of us this late in the week got a different canned response than the rest of you:
My email:
Dear Staff:
I am sure you have received numerous emails regarding Mr. Dossett’s article about adopting children from China. We, like thousands of other parents, have the joy and pleasure of being parents to a daughter from the Chongqing province in China who was adopted one year ago yesterday. We put no specifications ( i.e. specifically requesting a daughter) in our petition to adopt, simply requesting to be parents of a child. We were referred the most beautiful little girl who has a personality that is a perfect match with our family. Had there been any issues with our child, we would have gladly have approached and treated them appropriately, just as we would a biological child. Our daughter was 11 months old at referral and we have friends who have adopted special needs and non-special needs of all ages up to age 12.
Adoption, or to “buy a child” as Mr. Dossett refers to it, is quite expensive, domestic or international. If he would have researched more thoroughly, he would have found that the majority of the monies paid are here within the United States to our government and adoption agencies. Only about $4, 500.00 is paid in country and includes the orphanage donation, medical exam, visa and passport. To adopt a child is an emotionally taxing decision and is not one to be entered lightly, which we did not. After rallying friends for letters of recommendation, two sets of fingerprints, background checks, home study and mountains of documents to be authenticated, we were approved to be parents. Adoptive parents are scrutinized from income and tax information to our homes and the type of environment our children will be raised in. We are far from wealthy, in terms of money, but we work hard to make sure we have created the best possible environment for our daughter to learn and grow in.
Our daughter spent the first 13 months of her life in an orphanage that is sponsored by an American foundation. This foundation raises money for orphanages throughout China to help maintain an environment in which the children can learn and thrive while there. There are special programs created for infants to allow caregivers to hold and nurture children, something that is critical in the early months of their lives. There are classes set up for school aged children. Orphanages are being renovated and built. As sad as it is, for many of these children, it is the closest to a family they will ever have. I invite you to read about their programs on their website http://www.halfthesky.org.
The restrictions China has placed on who is eligible to adopt is their right and you should note other countries have similar restrictions. Where are your articles on those countries? How about Russian children who are abandoned and who are turned out as prostitutes at the age of 14 or so if they aren’t adopted? Guatemalan children who are placed for adoption and the corruption that goes along with those adoptions. Dear sirs, no adoption program is flawless, including ones in the United States. While we will never know the circumstances surrounding our daughter being abandoned, we are only thankful she is part of our family. We choose not to romanticize something we simply do not know but not one time will you ever hear us, or other adoptive parents, criticize her birth parents for their decision.
It is appalling to read such a bigoted article and that editors would allow such dribble to be printed, regardless of any sarcastic undertone or tongue in cheek intended. In the perfect world I should not have to explain my family dynamic to anyone but, since I do, articles such as this one have made a mockery of family dynamics world wide (as Chinese children are adopted by other countries and not just the U.S.) and will be the reason we are put in the position of answering asinine questions that are raised by readers whose only information is what they read in such articles.
I respect your freedom of speech but I must say it is disappointing to know a “journalist” wrote an article with such a bigoted and racist view.
I also invite you to look at the attached photos of our daughter. The daughter you say is “a beauty despite a few minor scratches and dents, but comes with a manufacturer’s warranty – no surprises under the hood or the diaper!” There are a lot of surprises that come along with a child, adopted or not, but for you to refer to our children using verbiage that one would find printed in used car ads is pathetic.
What’s next? Bashing our military and the tour my husband served in Iraq? Or have I missed it already? I can certainly dispel many of your myths and untruths regarding that and will be glad to direct you to others who are more passionate about it than I should you need further clarification.
Sincerely,
Susan
And the response I got:
Susan,Thank you for sharing your photos and this information.
Please allow me to share with you the apology that ran in the next issue following the publication of Jim Dossett’s opinion piece.
An apology from
Publisher Linn Hudson
Printed in the Feb. 22, 2007 issue
In the past week, the LaFollette Press has received numerous emails regarding Jim Dossett’s opinion piece that appeared last week on the editorial page of our newspaper. I have offered my personal apology to those who have contacted us, and I now extend that apology to our full readership. I have spoken with Jim and he also apologizes.
Jim’s comments were aimed at the Chinese government and its policies for adoptions. He did not intend to disparage adoptive children and their adoptive parents.
We have learned through this experience we must look at opinion pieces through the eyes of those being discussed. In this instance, we could and should have done a better job in that regard.
Jim himself was adopted as a child. Due to this experience, Jim respects and admires those who adopt on a local, national or international level.
The feedback we received is appreciated and will help us deal with sensitive topics in the future.
I have spoken with a local family who adopted a daughter from China. They are allowing us to feature their positive and uplifting story in an upcoming issue.
Either myself or the editor has read each email that we received and we will continue to do so. Please know we take this matter seriously.
And lastly, my reply:
Linn:
While I appreciate your reply, it boggles me as to why Jim hasn’t written the apology himself? Maybe it’s just the way it’s done where you are but where I come from people own up to mistakes and blunders such as this. Maybe the power of the pen gives one immunity but I certainly know I would hate to be the one who has to eat all his crow and plow through the muck.
The adoption community is one that is tight knit and spans the globe. Maybe you all should be glad more of us don’t live in your town or I’m sure your readership would grossly drop.
I hope you are sincere when you write this matter is being taken very seriously. I don’t live near you, nor do probably ninety-five percent of the people who emailed you, if not more, but it only took one of your readers to show the rest of us the poor taste of a journalist on your staff.
Sincerely,
Susan
Jackasses.
I went to pick up O from school and her teacher, Ms. Jane, told me she had carried some toy around all day like it was her purse and asked for “some monies.” Ms. Jane was amused so she asked her what she needed money for and Miss O proudly announced, “For shopping!” O loves to shop. We get in the car and she asks if we are going shopping. If we are out shopping, I give her some paper money so she can “pay” for whatever it is we are getting. Loves, loves, loves money and puts every coin she can in her piggy bank.
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We had to stop and pick up Will’s medicine so I went through the drive-thru pharmacy at W*lgreens and Miss O piped in with, “Fries, peease.” When I told her we didn’t get fries from this place she wanted “ashbowns” (hashbrowns). *Sigh*
It’s Valentine’s Day. I think it holds different things for different people but we’ve never really celebrated it. I think once I bought Will a card and I think he bought me roses once. Other years, nothing. It’s just not something we celebrate.
I’ve had some seriously rough days this week (yes, it’s only Wednesday) and last night before we went to sleep, we talked about Valentine’s day and I told him I didn’t get him anything, again. We talked about last year…we were going to bed at 7:00 because we had to be at the airport at 5 am to leave for China to bring Miss O home. The year before we weren’t together because he left the 13th for active duty.
This morning he calls me while I’m on my way to work and this is the conversation I heard:
W: You have a surprise in the trunk.
Me: Surprise? It’s not my diet Sprite is it? If so, that’s not a surprise.
W: No it’s not.
US: a few more blah, blah, yada, yada and we hang up.
I got to work late because the parent at O’s school who drives his industrial air conditioning truck blocked me in and I had to wait until he left. Anyway, I pull in the parking lot and go inside. I remembered I was supposed to have a surprise in my trunk. Oh, Will was sweet. He knew how rough my days have been and got me a goody to cheer me up. I go out to bring in my Sprite because I knew it was there and I’m digging furiously in my trunk looking for something from him. Anything. and there it wasn’t… nothing.nada.zilch.zippo. I slink back in with my drinks in hand and whip out my sugar filled oatmeal cake for breakfast saddened.
I called him and told him there wasn’t a surprise in my trunk. Only my drinks. So this is the next conversation we had:
W: Surprise? There’s no surprise in your trunk.
Me: Um, I know. I just told you that. But you told me you put a surprise in my trunk. I thought you were making me feel better.
W: Heh. No. I told you I put your Sprite in the trunk.
Me: Oh. I’m not getting anything?
W: Not necessarily.
Me: (This is where I threw in the don’t stop at C V S on your way home and get me the dented box of left over generic chocolate chewies as a sympathy gift because I thought you picked my spirits up only for me to come stumbling down.) Next time, just tell me you put my drinks in the car.
Why did my heart crumble when I found out there was no surprise because we never celebrate Valentine’s? Because I thought he said it was there and it would have totally been a surprise.
Oh, well.
Happy Valentine’s Day, anyway.
********************UPDATE*****************
I guess I should have signed this post Eeyore. Yikes. It really sounded glum. I wasn’t all that heartbroken, at least not as much as I sounded. Will doesn’t do a lot of surprises for me and I thought maybe this time. He did come home with a yellow rose (one of my favs), a cupcake and a string that once upon a time had a balloon on it – it floated off. He did think about me.
It’s 2 a.m. and I’m wide awake and I have been up since 5 this morning. Normally Olivia wakes up around 1:30 so I figured no need to try and go to bed only to get settled in and have to get up and go check on her.
I don’t normally check my bloglines on the weekends but I decided to tonight and I’m glad I did.
There is a gentleman named Michael Reagan, a portrait artist of 30 years, who has used his talents to raise millions of dollars for charity by drawing portraits of celebrities, athletes, etc. on canvases signed by them to auction off.
I had never heard of him before until I read the blog of a Marine I have been following. Michael Reagan got his true calling after being contacted by the wife of a fallen hero who died in Iraq; he now does portraits of fallen heroes for free. His story is very moving and I will tell you I had tears streaming down my face for about 23 of the 26 minutes of the video I watched where he spoke at a Rotary Club meeting. (This link takes you to the RC website and it’s the February 7th date) Have a box of tissues handy because, if your heart holds any compassion at all, you will need them.
My heart skipped so many beats while Will was in Iraq. Everytime the phone rang with an unknown number on caller i.d. my heart stopped. Everytime I came down the street towards the house I held my breath because you never knew if the Chaplain would be in the drive waiting for you with terrible news. I am blessed beyond any and all words that I didn’t have to experience that like so many families have. The video shows the love this man holds in his heart for others. It’s a hero helping heroes.
I was raised to use manners. That being said, my mom reads my blog and may question my use of them and, while it may not always be with her, I do say “yes ma’am and yes sir” when I’m speaking with someone. Will and I have taught Olivia say “please” when she wants something and “thank you” when she gets it. She’s pretty good at it on her own but sometimes needs to be reminded. When she hands us something, we always tell her “thank you.” Two way street.
We also tell her “you’re welcome” when she says thank you. Easy enough. EXCEPT now when she gets something and we remind her to say thank you, she belts out with “you’re welcome.” This morning she must have done it 10 times and I kept telling her, “no. You say thank.you. Mommy says you’re welcome.” She belted back at me, “you’re WEL.COME” emphasizing both syllables.
Aye.
A few moons ago, Johnny started the post “Why China?” and I’ve been asked to be next in the series. It’s not fluffy but it’s how we got where we are. I had no dreams. I had no visions. No tea leaves lined up. Nothing. Heck, I didn’t even know about the red thread until I joined a Yahoo group.
When Will and I first got married 10 years ago, we didn’t know if we even wanted to have kids. We were in our early 20s and didn’t know what we wanted. We lived in a teensy tinsy townhouse for a couple of years and decided to buy a house. We didn’t buy a big house because, after all, it was just the two of us and felt it probably would always be. Most of our friends had kids and we were cool with them. After another couple of years we decided maybe we did want to be parents but were always unsure as to whether we would be able to or not due some of my past medical history. So there it began.
After about a year and a half and thousands of dollars of testing later, we had to make a decision. We wanted to be parents. Yes, we loved our friends’ kids. We adored our nieces but we wanted more. The day I turned 30 was hard for me. Not because I was 30 but because I was 30 without kids. We started exploring some different options – some I was okay with and others not so much. We had one set of money, if you will, and wanted to make sure we made the best decision for us to become a family.
We chose not to go with fertility treatments because our odds weren’t going to be all that great and, quite frankly, we just simply couldn’t afford but so much financially or emotionally. We then thought about adoption. It took Will longer to get on board with it than me. He had a concern about being able to love a child that was not biologically ours. It was a very valid concern and I will always admire him for being so honest about it. I reminded him we have our nieces, goddaughter, D&T’s kids and other friends’ kids we love as though they were our own and he agreed. He had one foot on board and I was going full speed ahead. Now the tough choice: domestic or international. We knew either way we would need to have a homestudy so we picked an agency and went to their seminar where both domestic and international adoptions were outlined and were not country specific. We listened to a family speak of their two adoptions – one domestic with open visitation with the birthmother of their daughter and their son was adopted from Russia. We were scared of domestic adoption because of all the horror stories you hear. While in our minds we know there are so many that don’t fail but we have a lot of close contact with people whose have failed and listening to their stories was heartwrenching. In our minds we always knew the birthmother could change her mind and halt the adoption but we never thought about the birthfather being able to, probaly because you hear so little about it. We weren’t comfortable with having open visitation, etc. with birthparents; the only person I wanted to coparent with was Will. It wasn’t for us.
My cousin has adopted from Kazakhstan and my parents have some friends who adopted one daughter from China and were waiting for their second. Since the decision had been made to adopt, we had to decide what country as we had ruled out domestic. There were a lot of things that we had to take in consideration including our finances, vacation/leave time and program’s history, among some other things. After mounds of research and consideration, we chose China. I ordered packets from a dozen or more agencies and read through them all. Our agency was referred to us by my parents’ friends and when it came down to it, they had the least invasive application and no contracts or other mumbo jumbo they wanted us to sign.
While we’ve gotten loads of support from friends and family, there are many who will always question why we chose not to adopt an American child. We simply wanted to be a family and wanted to make sure that when we did become one, there wasn’t going to be a phone call or visit two years down the road to take it all away from us. While it may be viewed as selfish to some and outrageous to others, our family dynamic is what it is and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I dare someone who has met Olivia to tell us they think we should have gone another route. If we had, that little girl they’re oohing and ahhing over wouldn’t be here.
We are not saviors and we didn’t save an orphan. We didn’t whisk a destitute child out of her pitiful life. We aren’t Chinese and she’s not white. If anything, she has saved us and helped us redefine our lives. At the end of the day we are nothing more than a family.
Here are some other folks who have shared their stories:
So, it’s come down to this -> OmegaMom ->Letters From the Zoo -> The Singing Bird ->Elsie Elsewhere -> Chicago Mama -> Sopapilla -> Are We There Yet? -> Hope Springs -> Jiaozi -> Figlet -> Bionic Valentine -> Hao Bao Bao -> Mortimer’s Mom -> Jazzie and Tahlia -> Ruby In Her Own Time -> Hey ho, hey ho -> Love Made Real -> The Moon is Always Female -> buttercup -> Waiting for Sprout -> Somewhere in China -> TBG Happenings -> Our Unforgotten Daughter -> Awaiting Ava -> Waiting on Emma -> Our Journey to Mia Lin -> Journey for Jensen
Being the slacker-blog-keeper-upper I am, I was late reading Johnny’s post about getting the referral of their quite handsome little fella. I did catch that up Friday afternoon and today I decided to do a little blogrolling to get me completely up to speed and saw he’s joined the ranks of the minivan clan. Heh. He’s proof one should never say never. Congrats on the referral and on the minivan.
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P.S. I’m secretly (not so much now) in the closet on wanting a minivan. They have so.much.room. I’ve test driven just haven’t made the plunge.
Will had drill last weekend and even though he was stinky and unshaven, Olivia still managed to greet him with some kisses. Granted, her ultimate goal was to get his hat but we take all the kisses she’ll muster up.
Usually when winter weather heads our way it’s a few flakes with 10,000 lbs of ice but not this time. We ended up measuring about 5″ of snow in our yard and it went just about as quick as it came and there wasn’t the ice that was anticipated. I’m so not a snow bunny so that is the perfect snow day for me.
Olivia didn’t think too much of walking in the snow but she loved holding it. No, she’s not wearing gloves. She wouldn’t. Not a battle worth fighting for 10 minutes outside.
Bob joined our family bright and early one morning at the Cra cker Ba rrel after Miss O commandeered another little girl’s Sn00py dog and said girl wanted it back. Bob has definitely been a family favorite ever since and she probably loves him more than anything else she has.
Bob is a trooper. He has withstood the massive amounts of “hairbows” that have been wrapped around his little tail, being hung by his cute bandana and has been to more pah-teez than he probably cares to bark about. Another thing about Bob is he likes to go for rides. This is his seat of choice when he and O cruise in the bug:
Go give a little shout out to Jacquie and family on their referral. Congrats!
